Being an adult is hard.

All I want to do is shop and pay people to do my hair. Oh, and sleep.

POOOP

So. I suck the big one at blogging. Probably because I don't tell anyone about my blog so there's no pressure. If I were ever to go public with this whole thing, I'd probably just start over so they couldn't go back and read all of my sappy weird posts. But right now, I need to whine a little so here goes.

Sometimes friends suck. It's just a fact of life. People suck sometimes. I know I suck sometimes. Mostly when I'm on my period. I know girls get pissed when people blame them being bitchy on their PMS, but I totally accept it. My period makes me SUCH a brat, and I cry and only want to eat donuts. And I really suck for like, 3 days. ANYWAYS. So Sometimes friends suck, and that's no excuse to suck right back at them. I've always seen friendship as a sort of teeter totter, while one friend is sucking, it's the other friends job to not suck and then when they need to be awful, then you step up and are a good friend for them. (I cant' stop using the word "sucks").

So I deleted someone's number from my phone. And I keep on trying to text them and then I remember that I can't. But I think it's a good thing. It's been making me kind of sad to not have that person in my life anymore, but everyone else seems to think this was long overdue. So maybe I just have to deal with it being hard and eventually I'll recover. But right now, all I want to do is sit on my driveway with him and cuddle up while we listen to Justin Bieber. And that my friends, is why you delete a number. For times such as this when you're feeling weak and will talk yourself into it being okay to hang out with a total douche bag.

Just so you know, my roommate calls you Beavis because of your STUPID tattoo. (But I kind of think your stupid tattoos are hot). Whatever.

And finally. To end this post that makes NO sense and has nothing to do with anything. My dad keeps making me cry. Not on purpose or anything. And it's not like he says anything mean, I just keep crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm trying to figure it out though. There's gotta be something to it. I think someone's drugging me.

AND FINALLY. (For real this time). I'd like to end this post with a picture of the Hemsworth brothers. Because they're hot and this is perfect and I want to marry them all.

xoxo Gossip Girl

The Great Slump of Twenty Twelve.

I can't seem to put my thoughts and feelings into words tonight. I can't tell if it's because I'm on my period or because I'm tired, but I just have a lot going on in my head/heart tonight. I've tried all the usual fixes. I drove around listening to music but all I could think about was how much gas I was wasting... who have I become? Seriously. It makes me sick. And then that just puts more worry and weight on my heart. I've tried reading. Nothing. Music isn't doing anything. I just don't know. I think I've complicated my life too much. Everything used to be pretty simple. But then I went and threw a wrench in the works and here I am, 22 and I feel like my life has stopped. In the least dramatic way possible. I'm just not sure what I'm doing. Or what I'm even capable of doing. I guess I'm in sort of a confidence slump.

My parents have always said that they raised my sister and I to be independent, to not need anyone else. Which, by the way, is kind of lame. But that's a whole other blog post. Anyways, I've always been that way about dating and guys, that I never needed a boyfriend. I was perfectly fine being on my own. I've never thought I needed a boyfriend or anyone for that matter. But the other day I was in a dressing room with some friends and I came out in this gorgeous white top and I told myself I didn't need it but it was just SO pretty. So in order to convince myself I didn't need it I started listing excuses like, "Oh I don't know it's kind of see-through" and "I don't really have anywhere to wear this" (It was sort of formal). And one of my friends said, "You could wear it on a date." I responded with a joke about how I don't go on dates. And for some reason that's just stuck with me. If I wasn't in such a confidence slump I would have tacked it up as more proof that I choose to be on my own and that I'm independent. However, the confidence monster struck and has me thinking I don't go on dates because I'm not good enough, and that I don't go on dates because no one wants to go on dates with me. I'm slumped. And I don't know how to get un-slumped.

Also, being on your period makes your Easter candy go way faster. Someone please take this chocolate away from me.

I just read all of my old posts and laughed at myself.

Okay, so I'm not really sure where to start. But I figured just diving in was a good idea.

I've decided to start blogging again. This has always been about me just getting my thoughts out, or working through something and I always work through things through writing them out. But if I just wait until I have something epic or thought-provoking to say I'm never going to get in the habit of writing here.

So I'm starting.

1. Today was so hot I could have DIED. It actually wasn't so bad once I was sitting out there for a few hours. But the initial reaction to 90 degree heat in April was feelings of sudden death.

2. I have THE best friends. Really. I'm not the easiest person to be friends with all the time, I'm weird and high maintenance and sort of mean and always try and get out of things and generally talk really fast or mumble. But for some reason I'm surrounded by really great people and I am SO thankful. How did I get so lucky?

3. One time a little girl asked me to wish her sister luck because she was having surgery the next day. I said oh, well tell her I said "good luck" and then the girl says "I don't believe in luck, I believe in Jesus Christ and his saving power." Pissed. #JesusJuke

4. I can't tell if this red thing on the end of my nose is a zit or a spider bite. Help.

5. Kentucky won the NCAA mens basketball national championship tonight. I very happily turned it into a High School Musical moment on twitter and facebook. I'm extremely proud of that fact.

6. I want something to come into my life that I can name William. It's all I've been able to think about since I told Brittney about William my whale keychain. I just want a living William in my life. And I want to have named him William. Is that normal?

7. I'm not sure why I started just numbering these random thoughts, but it seems to be the only way I can get a blog written tonight so HA.

8. I love Vampire Diaries and I don't care who knows it. (AND my bead spread and sheets and pillows are in it. Elena has my sheets and pillows and Rick's wife has my bead spread. SUCKAAAS!)

Okay, so that's about it. I could go on and on but I'll leave it here.

LOVEYOUXOXOGOSSIPGIRL

Also.

Kate Nash- I Hate Seagulls

Ouch.

My heart hurts. Break ups suck. I just feel raw. And unstable. And out of control. And honestly, it wasn't worth it. A month and a half of missing him and worrying about the state of our relationship, of feeling not good enough. And then it was over. It sucked. It sucks. When I see him, it doesn't hurt. It's fine. He makes me smile and feel warm and I just want to hug him and tell him everything I'm thinking. When he's on the field, I'm proud of him and can't wait until the game's over so I can tell him what a great captain he is. But then he walks out of the room, or drives past, or the game ends. And I realize that its over. That I'm not tied to him anymore. We don't have any connection or any rights to each other's lives. He's him and I'm me. And then it just hurts. Bad. And it's just like everyone says, when you think they're exaggerating, they're not. It really sucks. And I'm just not sure the suck was worth it. At least not today. The jagged raw hurt that is in my chest right now, not worth it.

I just had to get that out there. I'll probably be better tomorrow. No big deal. I'm fine. But I definitely shouldn't watch The Notebook while PMSing anymore.

I'm proud of myself. Seriously.

I think I may have grown up this summer. So much has changed. What I believe about myself and how I think and what I know. Things are clicking in a way they never have. I think I finally did it. I grew up. I figured it out. I'm ready to face the world in a new way.

I like myself.