Friday, September 16, 2011
My heart hurts. Break ups suck. I just feel raw. And unstable. And out of control. And honestly, it wasn't worth it. A month and a half of missing him and worrying about the state of our relationship, of feeling not good enough. And then it was over. It sucked. It sucks. When I see him, it doesn't hurt. It's fine. He makes me smile and feel warm and I just want to hug him and tell him everything I'm thinking. When he's on the field, I'm proud of him and can't wait until the game's over so I can tell him what a great captain he is. But then he walks out of the room, or drives past, or the game ends. And I realize that its over. That I'm not tied to him anymore. We don't have any connection or any rights to each other's lives. He's him and I'm me. And then it just hurts. Bad. And it's just like everyone says, when you think they're exaggerating, they're not. It really sucks. And I'm just not sure the suck was worth it. At least not today. The jagged raw hurt that is in my chest right now, not worth it.
I just had to get that out there. I'll probably be better tomorrow. No big deal. I'm fine. But I definitely shouldn't watch The Notebook while PMSing anymore.