Tuesday, September 7, 2010

truly fully.

"What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are . . . because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier . . . for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own . . . "
-F. Buechner

I'm trying to figure out who I am. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to show the world what I have to offer, when I'm not even sure of what that is. I've been reflecting on my past and trying to figure out what that means for my future. I'm trying to figure out what my future is even supposed to look like. I'm worried that I've lost track of who I really truly am, and wondering if we ever really know who we are. I'm terrified that who I am and who Christ is are too different. I've had life changing experiences that I've allowed to be just one more item on a list of things I've done in life. I refuse to let that happen again. My life is changing. I'm just trying to catch up with all of the changes. I'm learning. I'm growing. I just want to be able to take an honest look at my life and embrace the things that are good and change the things that aren't. It's scary. It's hard. But this is life, right?

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