Monday, April 9, 2012

The Great Slump of Twenty Twelve.

I can't seem to put my thoughts and feelings into words tonight. I can't tell if it's because I'm on my period or because I'm tired, but I just have a lot going on in my head/heart tonight. I've tried all the usual fixes. I drove around listening to music but all I could think about was how much gas I was wasting... who have I become? Seriously. It makes me sick. And then that just puts more worry and weight on my heart. I've tried reading. Nothing. Music isn't doing anything. I just don't know. I think I've complicated my life too much. Everything used to be pretty simple. But then I went and threw a wrench in the works and here I am, 22 and I feel like my life has stopped. In the least dramatic way possible. I'm just not sure what I'm doing. Or what I'm even capable of doing. I guess I'm in sort of a confidence slump.

My parents have always said that they raised my sister and I to be independent, to not need anyone else. Which, by the way, is kind of lame. But that's a whole other blog post. Anyways, I've always been that way about dating and guys, that I never needed a boyfriend. I was perfectly fine being on my own. I've never thought I needed a boyfriend or anyone for that matter. But the other day I was in a dressing room with some friends and I came out in this gorgeous white top and I told myself I didn't need it but it was just SO pretty. So in order to convince myself I didn't need it I started listing excuses like, "Oh I don't know it's kind of see-through" and "I don't really have anywhere to wear this" (It was sort of formal). And one of my friends said, "You could wear it on a date." I responded with a joke about how I don't go on dates. And for some reason that's just stuck with me. If I wasn't in such a confidence slump I would have tacked it up as more proof that I choose to be on my own and that I'm independent. However, the confidence monster struck and has me thinking I don't go on dates because I'm not good enough, and that I don't go on dates because no one wants to go on dates with me. I'm slumped. And I don't know how to get un-slumped.

Also, being on your period makes your Easter candy go way faster. Someone please take this chocolate away from me.

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