Alabama, Arkansas, I Do Love My Ma And Pa

Letter #2

Dear Parents,

Sorry about the times I've called you by your first names because I knew you didn't like it. Just had to get that off my chest. I just wanted to thank you for teaching me to do the laundry. Over and over again. Even though I didn't listen the first 15 or so times. Thanks for continuing to do my laundry when I didn't know how (because I wouldn't let you teach me, so that I would never have to do it). But most of all, thanks for finally sending me an email with pictures and ridiculous amounts of detail so that I couldn't ever say I didn't know how, or that our washing machine was really confusing. Because Now I love to do laundry. I'm doing laundry right now.

Also, thanks for responding to my ridiculous notes that I leave about how I'm certain our house is haunted, or that there are mysterious noises coming from the dishwasher or that I think the air-freshener dispenser thing is spewing toxins. You're the best. I love you.

Your second daughter,

Stephanie

----Not related to my parents or a letter at all----

Sometimes I have a thought and I mold it into some sort of powerful statement or even an understated stance on something, but almost all of the time it's something that might offend some people. So I always try and change it to be more politically correct. And usually by the end of that, it's not what I wanted to say at all. But I'm just terrified to offend anyone. I feel like anything you say in this technological world will stick with you way past when you want it to. It can be used against you. I don't ever want to regret something I say. But sometimes, I really just want to say whatever I want, just to get people to think. And not even just that, but to see if maybe someone else out there thinks the same thing. Who knows.

Finally doing that "Letter-a-Day" thing.

Letter #2

Dear Crush,

I'm not really sure that I like you. But that's not the point. This letter is to my crush. And my favorite thing about crushes is that they don't have to mean anything. They're just fun.

So anyways, I just wanted you to know that I admire you. The fact that you aren't just doing what everyone else is doing is really awesome. I love that you love God and aren't afraid to show it. I like your haircut, and I usually hate when boys get haircuts, so that's saying something. I like that you're kind of nerdy, but still confident with who you are. I like that you laugh at what I say but not when it's not funny. I like that when I use some ridiculous new phrase or word, you tell me that you don't know what it means instead of just pretending that you do to look cool. I like that you're friends with my friends. I like that you're tallish and cute.

Thanks for being a good guy. I usually only crush on guys that are bad for me, but you being a good guy makes my friends happy. And when they're happy, I'm happy. You make me happy. I don't expect anything to come out of having a crush on you, but I think this may be a new start for me. Thanks for being you.

Sincerely,

Stephanie, Carrie's friend.

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things...

Hearing someones heartbeat. Dinosaurs. Trying on new clothes again as soon as I get back from the store. The sound of water lapping against a dock. My almost name. Horrible fake accents made by close friends. When someone saves me a seat. Driving around with the windows down on a late summer night. Napping with somebody else. Staying in my pajamas all day. When I meet up with a group of friends and they stop talking to celebrate my arrival. Wordless apologies. Taking the stairs next to somebody taking the escalator. When I open my cell phone and there are a bunch of text messages waiting. When the person scratching my back finds that one really itchy spot. Making someone laugh when they have a mouth full of food. Sitting in the backseat of a packed car when the driver takes a turn really fast. Sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out. Passing under a bridge on the highway when it's pouring rain. Taking my heels off at the end of the night and walking home in bare feet. That feeling in your stomach when you go really high on the swings. Waking up before my alarm clock and realizing I've got lots of sleep time left. When someone holds my keys and wallet in their purse. When I'm watching one of my favorite movies and I realize I don't remember how it ends. Getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving my legs. Falling asleep in the backseat of a car late at night on the drive home. Putting potato chips on a sandwich. The sound of rain from inside a tent. Backseat car windows that go down all the way. The first time wearing new socks. Returning to my warm comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of the night. Remembering what movie that guy is from. Parking lot pull through. Getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail. Multitasking while brushing my teeth. The sound of scissors cutting construction paper. The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter. The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time. Rain hair. Living with someone who doesn't mind killing spiders. Taking my pants off when I get home.

A Letter A Day Keeps The Doctor Away?

So I've decided to do this whole "write a letter on your blog" thing. I'll try and do it every day, but probably won't. But I'll definitely do them in this order. And hopefully get through all of them. Idk. It should be fun. We'll see. I'll start tomorrow.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Three Devil Mice?

So my whole life until like, a few months ago, I thought that the movie Meet Joe Black was about a blind man. I thought Brad Pitt was a blind man who was like, secluded his whole life and then some people found him or something and then they tried to integrate him into the real world. TURNS OUT, it's about the devil. Brad Pitt is the devil or something. What's up with that? Seriously. How did I think it was about a blind man? Who let me think this for so long.

I really need to stop judging a movie by the guy wearing sunglasses on the cover.

On a Night Like This

There are so many different things I want to write about. Like, seriously. Tons of things. My life is changing and staying the same. I'm growing and getting stronger and even being weak. One of these days I'll write it all out. I should just do it now but I'm not sure how.

SOON.

My Name is Stephanie, and I Have Issues.

Seriously though. Major trust issues. Along with a nice dose of commitment issues. So I'm basically perfect girlfriend material. Obviously.

I also have major fear of rejection. To the point that I never take chances. I never let anyone know what I really think. Because I'm either afraid to say the wrong thing and have them be offended, or I'm afraid that they are going to judge me by my answer or think the opposite thing and not like me. Seriously. It's pathetic. I hear that everyone deals with this, but I'm also really self-centered too, so I'm pretty sure mine is worse than yours. But even though I'm extremely self-centered, I also never think I'm good enough. I act like I do, but when it comes down to it, I almost always assume there's something wrong with ME and that's why things don't work out. Because obviously everyone else is perfect and living a perfect life and mine is the only one that has had road bumps. (Like I said, I'm extremely self-centered).

Also, I'm way too generous. I help and help and give and give and never take care of myself. I know that's supposed to be a good quality, ya know, giving to others and sacrificing, but I do it to such an extreme that I start to resent that I spend all of my time on others. My sister always tells me I'm selfish, so this must be what she's talking about.

...I'm having a bad night.